2008 Top 20 People Who Didn’t Suck (or at least not a lot)

by Michael on December 18, 2008

Yeah, 2008 is almost over and we are already seeing all the “Top Marketers”, “Top SEOs” & “Top 10 Ego Stroke Lists” of the year. So I figured, “What the fuck, let me hop on this bandwagon and make my own list!” So here ya go, Streko’s 2008 Top 20 People Who Didn’t Suck (or at least not a lot) - Cause lets be honest, we all kinda suck every once in a while.

So look if you made the list, you stood out to me for the last year for some of the shit you had done & I think that you don’t suck. Now this doesn’t mean that everyone who isn’t on this list sucks - it just means that you’re probably on some other list so I wanna give a shout out to the unsung heroes that in my eyes kicked some fucking ass in 2008. So with out further delay I give you the top 20 list of people who didn’t suck (or at least not a lot).

toolbag20 - Ryan Eagle - Now this, this kid is a toolbag. Really he is & I could sit here and write about why he is a toolbag but you can just check out his blog and see why on your own. The only reason why he made this list was because I respect people who either are dumb or just don’t give a fuck. Its ballsy to do what he did in a PPC campaign and got some national media attention from it.

19 - Casey Yandle - Dude, if you’re on that twitter site, into internet marketing & do not know who @cyandle is - you’re living under a rock. I give this guy mad respect because when push comes to shove dude is all over the map, twittering like he gets paid for it & also not giving a fuck who he twitters with.

18 - SingerGirlJen - So who is this chick you ask? Dude, its TheMadHat’s Bride to be. Why doesn’t she suck? Cause TheMadHat got down on one knee and starting acting all cute, pulled out this ring and basically put his heart on a platter & rather then saying “Hell No, Sucka!” She said “Yes! Lets DO THIS, YO!” & that doesn’t suck cause TheMadHat is my homeboy and I am happy to see him settling down. (finally) She also posts quality pics of him!

17 - Graywolf in a Wig - Dude, its fucking Michael Gray wearing a wig pretending to be Sugarrae, now granted this video has been around for a few years, but Graywolf in a wig will never suck. That shit is funny as hell. He looks like the lost damn member of Spinal Tap. So yes, this has definitely made the top 20 & expect Mr. Gray to make the same appearance next year on the top 20 list.

16 -  John Coronella  - I first met John on the Twitter, instantly he started to make me laugh. He dropped a major bomb when he took on live blogging with a blog post. Which was followed up by a joke picture which honestly made me fall out of my chair.  Then totally random a few weeks ago when I got a tweet with another blog post he had did that also made me laugh hard as hell.

15 - Rob Adler aka Bofu2U - Rob caught my eye when he first came on the twitter.  We began to talk on occasion and he showed me some of the ideas that he had come up with.  I was impressed and I still am, he is a smart kid and always thinking of new ways to make some money on the interwebs.

14 - Matthew Inman - I first met Matt at pubcon this year. Now I didn’t know who the fuck he was. But when we began talking I was like “ZOMG! this kid is one smart motherfucker!” He has made some fucking great sites & continues to pump them out.  I actually had looked at one of his sites in a chain email before & didn’t know it was his until after I had met him. His biggest accomplishment so far I think is this gem right here…

13 - David Brown - This guy is just a nice dude. He does some noob radio show with a few others over on that webmaster radio channel and has done very well for the company he is currently working for.  Granted he wore a skirt for Halloween but I will let that shit slide for now and praise his did-not-suck-a-lot-ness for the time being.

12 - XMCP aka SlightlyShadySEO aka the Lost Jonas Brother - Dude is still not able to drink and he is still kicking ass all over the place.  I was happy I got to become buds with this guy cause he is another smart motherfucker who is only going to get smarter as time goes on.  Also I found out that our Birthdays are a day apart which kicks some ass.

11 - Pat Sexton - Mr. Google Gadgets - So I was drunk as shit at SMX East this year and I was going to buy a shitty hotel room for a  stupid amount of money. Enter Pat Sexton, who from what I understand is infamous for asking to crash in random peoples hotel rooms at conferences around the country. Well guess what dude came through and let me crash in his room after meeting me for the first time that night. I want to thank him for not killing me or forcing me to cuddle as payment.

OHH SHIT! Its getting serious we are now down to the top 10! Woo-MotherFucking-Hoo!

10 -  Danielle Winfield - They say behind every good man is a great woman. Well this is a perfect example. Don’t be fooled Danielle is the brains behind 10e20 and just lets Chris run around like he is the man. Anyone who knows Chris or Danielle knows that their dog Charlie has been undergoing some surgeries this year -what makes her extra awesome is the fact that she opted out of going to pubcon to stay home and take care of Charlie as he recovered & only had a simple request while Chris was away…

9 - Tony Adam - To be honest, this dude just pisses me the fuck off. Not because he is a dick or does stupid shit but because he is just too nice of a guy. Like seriously, its annoying! He is friendly, easy to talk to & is pretty damn humble. So he earns a spot on this list. I hope for next year he works on being more of a dick to people!

Nice fucking hat.8 - Lisa Barone - Now granted she still has not touched her personal blog but you gotta give this bad ass live blogger some props. I mean she moved from SoCal to the capitol of cold aka Troy NY to join the we build pages team.  She left the fun and sun for the fucking frozen tundra of upstate New York - that’s some crazy shit. I mean damn, its fucking cold as a witches titty up there.

7 -  Dave Snyder - Do I really need to say more? Anyone who has spoke to Dave knows that he is a good dude and doesn’t have his head up his ass at all. He also made some big bold moves this year for the good of the family which I am very impressed by & respect a shitload. I just don’t get what is up with all these people leaving warm climates to move to cold ass places.

he is not bald, just has very blond hair6 - ITCN aka Barry Wise - The motherfucking NJ connection. I met Barry when we were both fucking around in the SERPs on some NJ keywords. I didn’t know who he was but figured to i’d give him a call to shoot the shit. Hey, what can I say - we clicked and since then worked together on some great projects & continue to have some great ideas. If you need a coder who doesn’t suck and is quick - hit this motherfucker up!

5 - Rebecca Kelley - Rebecca works for some big name seo dude, I can’t really think of his name right now, so whatever. If I had to name someone in the SEO game who had the same kinda humor that I have, it would be Rebecca. I mean this is one funny motherfucking chick. Like seriously. She made some great accomplishments this year - this being one of the biggest.

4 - Reese - My designer, partner & friend. Now I could go all mushy about how much this chick kicks ass - instead I will just let you know that I had a $270.00 phone call to her ass for a total of 40 minutes. Yeah it’s worth it like that. She is a fucking amazing designer and not afraid to help people if they need it. If you’re a designer and you don’t follower her on the twitter then you fail! If you need a designer and you don’t use her - YOU FAILx2!

3 - Ryan May - Now I know you are saying, who the fuck is that? Let me answer - Dude, its fucking Ryan May, do your fucking homework. This kid is one of the most brilliant minds at PPC that I have ever fucking met. Like seriously he knows that shit better then any of you clown PPC bloggers.  He also dates some chick - which has NOTHING to do with raw awesomeness.

2 - Joost de Valk - BOW DOWN WORDPRESS NERDS. In all seriousness if you are using wordpress and actually know what the fuck you are doing you should wake up every morning and while you brush your teeth thank God that fucking Joost is not a selfish prick. Why? Cause he doesn’t charge dick for his plugins - just asks for a donation. So next time you are setting up one of his bangers don’t be cheap and drop him a donation.

Holy Fuck NUMBER 1!

1 - David Kline aka DK of Purpose Inc. - This is another dude that just does not have anything you can say bad about him. What made him stand out so fucking much is the fact that he basically did some great shit at Pubcon this year. He threw open parties, not that cocky invite only you have to be a fucking totally hip blogger / seo rockstar to attend - no he was like “Bam! You need a place to go - here is what we are doing, come and chill!” & I aint talking like some shit crap meet up at some shady ass back ally - He seriously hooked some shit up! Fucking high limit bar at the Mirage all full of fucking search geeks chilling. Then to top it off, he did a fucking poker tournament that kicked a shitload of ass.

DK also did that anti-conference called “Think Tank” this year that honestly I am kicking myself in the ass for not attending. I heard that it oozed awesome. So there - how do you make #1? Just follow DK’s method. Be a nice fucking dude who is not selfish or jaded by any means- while having a good damn time.

I hope everyone enjoyed this shit as much as I enjoyed writing it - actually half way through I realized this shit was long as fuck and I should have only made it 10! I am also to lazy to link to any of their names, so just check out the people I follow on the twitter and you will find them.

There was not big voting panel, there was no website hit counts or how much money these people made. All you really had to do was buy me some drinks, not suck and you would have made the damn list - yeah i can get bought out like that -  so there ya go. You now have a goal for next year & now know I like to be bought drinks.

**Also it goes with out saying that Rae, Melanie Phung, SEOHack, TheMadHat & Syzlak dont have an ounce of suck in them.

{ 30 comments }

2009 Predictions

by Michael on December 4, 2008

Ahh yes, as 2008 breathes its final breaths I have decided to bust out my crystal ball and give some predictions for what the year of 2009 will bring us. This may be chilling to some people but its the truth and what I see happening in the coming year. Apocalypse? Famine? Plague? Not really but read below to find out what the new year has in store…

  • After many years of low traffic & not being considered a reliable search engine - “AltaVista” will get its second wind and control 90% of the global search market - crushing all competition & still keeping Doug Heil banned.
  • Dave Snyder will announce the real reason for his move to Utah was so that he could form a polygamist sect and take Jordan Kasteler on as his 2nd wife.
  • SEOMoz will announce that they made a large error with the launch of LinkScape - they had initially claimed that they had over 38 billion pages indexed, when in fact they only had 38 pages indexed and are just really bad at math.
  • Jill Whalen will be speaking at a conference when she will short circuit - her eyes will begin to shoot lasers, her head will spin & then her body will catch fire revealing that she is a bot & was simply sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner but got wrapped up into SEO one day and just couldn’t put it down.
  • After thousands and thousands of twitters Rae Hoffman will get a personal letter from Biz asking her to “Chill” & explaining that by their calculations 1 out of 3 times, her rants are the actual reason why the server slows and twitter users are displayed the “fail whale”.
    fail wail pic courtesy of Studawg
  • Lisa Barone will still not use her personal blog & it will sit with the generic “Hello World” post for another year.
  • With the success of IMBroadcast.com Loren & the guys will suddenly reskin the site and use all of the link juice that they have gained to shoot up to the top of the adult SERPs - transforming the site from Internet Marketing Broadcast to a cash cow in the adult fetish video sharing industry called “Irresistible Midgets Broadcast”
  • After years of being treated like the Britney Spears of the SEO/SEM industry Matt Cutts will finally go nuts, while he is being chased by conference goers at pubcon 2009 - all wanting to get a picture with him,  he will suddenly duck into a casino hair salon where he will shave his head, then he will be forced to check into a psych ward where he will under go treatment. The following year he will launch a massive come back tour & drop a new CD which will get great reviews & bring back the Matt we all love.
  • Michael Gray’s new venture called “Viral Conversations” will take off huge when he finally lands a deal with a Mexican pharmacy who will send the bloggers, who sign up for the program; Xanax, Viagra, Steroids & other drugs which are illegal to purchase in the Untied States. Michael will then be charged with multiple drug charges and end up being sentenced to 50 years in jail. A movie will be produced about his life entitled “Blogpin: Trading Links for Tranq’s”.
  • With the success of the SMX Local, SMX Social & SMX Mobile - April 1st Danny Sullivan will have a new one day conference entitled “SMX Spam”, hundreds will sign up thinking that the conference will be dealing with linkspam and blackhat techniques. The entire agenda will be kept secret. On the day of the conference the opening keynote session will be packed. The keynote speaker will come out from behind the curtain and introduce himself as the “CEO of Hormel foods - the makers of Spam“.  The rest of the day will be followed by Hormel employees speaking and moderating sessions all about Spam. The networking cocktail hour will feature actual spam dishes.

{ 29 comments }

My opinion on linkscape

by Michael on October 19, 2008

who the hell cares.

I got bigger shit to worry about.

If Rand and SEOMoz didn’t do it - someone else would have. I respect his hustle.

I think everyone should stop crying and get back to doing something that makes you money. Last I checked bitching and carrying on about how the bot is crawling a site hasn’t made anyone a dime. Except for Rand, cause god knows that there is no such thing as bad press.

kthanxbai.

{ 2 comments }

SMX Expo Hall Shenanigans

by Michael on October 7, 2008

As I randomly walked the halls being the creepy guy who didn’t speak to anyone. I did have some time to sit at my buddies booth and hang for a bit.
Across the way I spotted a familiar site (usually around 12:30 am when no one but myself is awake).

YouPorn + SMX

 

So as this great sales booth maven worked hard at landing this potential client. I sat and laughed as YouPorn.com’s entry screen blazed on their plasma. Now, I would openly admit it if I was the culprit who placed this on the nice 42″ display screen. But no, I can not take the credit for this. Nore did I see the person who pulled off such a feat.

 

So tonight, mystery youporn person - I drink one for you.

Thank you for the laugh.

{ 1 comment }

Streko’s Survival guide to NYC during SMX.

by Michael on October 3, 2008

So listen up people. You got your plane tickets, your hotel reservations & you are already planning to meet up with all the other cool SEO people and stroke each others egos, well get ready cause i am going to help all you outta towners make sure your ass stays safe while in NYC.

If you’re all like “blah blah blah, I have been to NYC many times - I don’t need this guide!” - then fine, don’t read this guide and see what might happen. If you’re already a city dweller then use this guide to brush up on some of your knowledge.

I already have shown you how to be at the SMX while not being at the SMX. This time I am going to give you 5 simple tips for not getting into any physical danger while you roam the streets of NYC during the conference.

5 Quick Tips
1) You see a crazy person walking down the street, now I am not talking some chick who just randomly trashes people on her blog, im talking an actual crazy person. Like trying to bite his or her own ear, wearing no shoes & smelling like a trash can. Don’t stop and ask this person for directions, don’t try to get them as a client, don’t stare, don’t try and take a picture. Just keep on walking! If they try to engage you in conversation - walk faster!

2) While walking around times square & seeing the marquees and other crazy ass crap posted on buildings you will come to the Yahoo board. Sure, you’re a search geek - so its cool to get your picture taken with the big Yahoo! sign behind your head. But don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take this damn picture. There are people walking behind you & your ass will get clotheslined. That shit pisses me off & I know it pisses everyone else off. Simply move to one side of the sidewalk if you need this picture to validate your search geekness.

3) You see someone getting robbed, beaten or stabbed. Don’t stop, pull out your cellphone and decide to twitter what is going on. The person doing the robbing, beating or stabbing might think you are trying to call the cops & decide to rob, beat or stab you!

4) This one is for the fella’z - So you’re in the club, a little drunk & you see 3 females all staring at you across the way. So you decide to go and talk to one, which one would you choose?

pic3.jpgpic2.jpgpic1.jpg

 

If you picked #2 - YOU FAIL. This is NYC! Shits crazy here! Now granted #2 might be the best looking outta this selection, but he is packing something & its not only an ass kicking in the SERPs!

 

5) The most important tip is this. All in all, inside the conference or out to a buisness dinner - yes you are the man/woman. But when push comes to shove, you’re an SEO/SEM & NYC really doesn’t give a shit. So walk around like you are the shiznit inside the center but put it back in your pocket when you go out into the street. Also take your name tag badge off when you leave the center - that shit is like a homing beacon that says “I’m not from NYC”.

 

I look forward to meeting you all here in NYC, if you run into any issues or have some last minute questions feel free to ask. I will give you the best advice possible. ;-)

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